The Utterly Uninteresting and Uneventful Life of Fred the Vampire Accountant by Drew Hayes

Is that blood… or red wine?

Do you love vampire novels? How about a gorgeous vampire who sweeps you off your feet with his elegance, grace, and danger? Do you like feeling chills of desire or fear in not knowing if it’ll be a kiss or a bite?  If that’s the case, The Utterly Uninteresting and Uneventful Life of Fred the Vampire Accountant, by Drew Hayes, is not for you.

Are you sick of Vampires that meet the above description? Good. Join the club, and grab yourself a copy of Drew’s book.

The story follows Fred, a vampire –victim of a dine n’ dash- who resumes his unassuming life after it becomes, well, non-unassuming. On a stroke of adventure, he decides to attend his high school reunion. There, he meets up with an old friend and new flame that sets a series of antics in motion. The plot heavily reminded me of a lot of anime I watch. Most of the episodes, though appear to be plot, actually turn out to be background filler stories. The real plot slaps you in the face with three episodes left. And no, it’s not a bad thing. Actually, it kinds of adds more nerdiness to it, but I’ll touch on that later.

Each section of the book tells a separate tale, like an anthology of short stories, and introduces us to his widening circle of friends. Again, it plays more like episodes. There’s predictability in that you know things will work out – every trouble irons itself out with a happy outcome – but the magic is in figuring out how they do. Fred, as a character, is completely unpredictable, despite what he may tell you.

I’ve heard the phrase “a character driven novel” more times than I can count, and I have always wondered what that really means. Fred. Fred is what it means. Drew Hayes has crafted characters with such real depth and uniqueness that the rapid page turning becomes more about wanting to see how the characters respond to the events given and not necessarily about how the events turn out.

Fred is not a dark read. In fact, if you need a pick-me-up between tragic novels, Fred is a fantastic option. I took screen shots of any line that made me laugh out loud, and there’s at least two or three per chapter. Also, if you’re unabashedly nerdy, you’ll find a camaraderie with Fred and his gang, with the LARPing, jousting, zombies, and games of Scrabble. There’s also romance… generally awkward and laden with innuendos.

All in all, Fred is a great read and definitely something unique to add to your to-read list.

Some people are born boring. Some live boring. Some even die boring. Fred managed to do all three, and when he woke up as a vampire, he did so as a boring one. Timid, socially awkward, and plagued by self-esteem issues, Fred has never been the adventurous sort.

One fateful night – different from the night he died, which was more inconvenient than fateful – Fred reconnects with an old friend at his high school reunion. This rekindled relationship sets off a chain of events thrusting him right into the chaos that is the parahuman world, a world with chipper zombies, truck driver wereponies, maniacal necromancers, ancient dragons, and now one undead accountant trying his best to “survive.” Because even after it’s over, life can still be a downright bloody mess.

*Insert cheers here!* There’s going to be a Fred 2, with more Gideon!

Drew Hayes is an aspiring author from Texas who has written several books and found the gumption to publish a few (so far). He graduated from Texas Tech with a B.A. in English, because evidently he’s not familiar with what the term “employable” means. Drew has been called one of the most profound, prolific, and talented authors of his generation, but a table full of drunks will say almost anything when offered a round of free shots. Drew feels kind of like a D-bag writing about himself in the third person like this. He does appreciate that you’re still reading, though.

Drew would like to sit down and have a beer with you. Or a cocktail. He’s not here to judge your preferences. Drew is terrible at being serious, and has no real idea what a snippet biography is meant to convey anyway. Drew thinks you are awesome just the way you are. That part, he meant. Drew is off to go high-five random people, because who doesn’t love a good high-five? No one, that’s who.